i do as i please
i lie through my teeth
someone might get hurt
but it wont be me

Back when they started dual diagnosis they transferred this 15 year old boy from Hogan to DSH. This boy had a habit of crawling into heat ducts. The heat ducts don't go anywhere at Hogan, it's a newer building and you can't get hurt. Anyway they sent him up and he was up there for about 3 weeks and he disappeared. We searched everywhere for him. We looked all over and we couldn't find him. The staff over at J ward started to notice a horrible smell getting worse and worse everyday. Anyway to make a long story short, he got inside the duct work in J Annex. The duct work in DSH goes right down to heating coils. He slid down , couldn't get up , got trapped and died. His feet landed right on the coils and literally burnt off up to his shins. I was there and had to go over there and help cut him out of the wall. There must of been 25 people in that room that day. The Medical Examiner, clinicians you name it. I cut the wall and Butch (The Tinsmith) was there to cut the tin duct work. When we cut through it all, and opened it up the kid was right there and looked almost frozen. The pathologist reached in to take him out and his hands sunk into his chest like jello.The smell was disgusting it was a nasty stench and we all got sick. His death brought on a major,major state investigation. His parents were mad as hell and rightfully so. We had big wigs from Boston and the State Police lab up there for weeks. It was just an horrible experience. I've seen a lot in my 24 years and that was by far the worst.
-Preston






http://www.danversstateinsaneasylum.com/move.html


Home Before Dark

bridgewater.

doctor bonner

http://www.danversstateinsaneasylum.com/chronicles.html

I started today at the coffee shop.
Twas fun bc brianah made it that way, tasha was a plus to.
Im trying for a second job tho..
meh : /

I wanna know what time chillies closes
did i spell that right?
madison moved to ventura today.
im happy4her.
i congradulate everyone who moves outta this town.
it makes u a better person./
sorry, true.
kso school august 24th.
soooooooon.

moms taking care of my credit card bill.
she can be a monster but i guess u have to know and understand her to be able to love her for her good qaulities.


Shes not a perfect mom, duh. But imperfection is so common.

off subject.
seadoo: stolen.

mreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh.


idk what to say, or what not to say... = /

luke keeps calling
i really care about alx
he got his own apartment
bedroom<3
yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeboi
him&I
uknowuknow..


jay+alx at the same time...
it happens
theyre both aware
i pick alx


isaac tryed last night
weird
i um dont even know how to respond to it
but it happened
and we're moving on..
we didnt
he did
i uh...


: (


alx tonight
spend the night yeeeeeeeeeeeee

<3

myspace is being gay
AGAIN

it's made everything so complicated so so so fucking complicated.
there once was a day bitches could have bitch all to themselves and not have to worry about myspace whores. COMMMENTS?!?!?! wtf are comments even when someone can call u via phone..... when someone can come see your ass face to face person to person. PERSON. you're peeeeeeeeeeeeeeople. fucking act like it. get up, get out. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. i hate comments. I hate messaging. I hate myspace. You ruin lives fucking devil whore. we're stuck in front of screen. emotion is elsewhere. goodbye human interaction. goodbye goodbye chances.

Being alone has let me realize:

Everything that means something.























I'm finding myself. Peice by peice. It's happening. Thankyou riff-raff.

My name is Amanda and I used to have an advantage. But, like most individuals that benefit is taken away from us before we have enough sense to comprehend its value. The advantage I’m referring to is the unmindful years, the days when you didn’t have to analyze a god forsaken thing to be content. Popsicles and Kool-Aid had my smiles. &If there were a way to turn back time now my future would lie in the past.

The earliest memory started in Diamond Bar, California. What’s weird is I grew up in the same house, went to the same school, had the same teacher as my mom. The irony of the whole thing, out of everyone I’ve ever known, I dread becoming her so much more than anything else.

My dad was never around much but it didn’t bother me. I didn’t dwell on it. I guess as a kid there really wasn’t too much you could dwell on. Anyway, he was in and out of jail for alcohol related charges, murder even. I know it sounds bad. I hope it sounds normal. I think it’s overrated. But it’s almost as if we’re closer because of his hardships. He’s learned to be isolated and from that the only people you can trust are the ones that you love the most. Just so happens, I’m one of those ones.

Moving on, my parents never got along. They didn’t even get married. But those two have had problems since before I came into the picture. Word is, he hit her, a lot even. Hospital visits, battered homes & hide outs were common. But word is cheap now a day and even cheaper when it comes from my moms’ mouth. Things were on a fast ward slope and they never ended up making it to graduation. She ran away and had a baby. Guess who. But as I said, they weren’t ever at peace with one another and eventually learned to let go, or maybe it was just my mom?

We moved to Utah. This is where she met Jesse. Jesse’s been with us for almost 15 years now. He’s my dad just the same as Greg and if it were up to me I’d have him play a role in my life for a longer while than 15 years.

period

haha


i hate people telling me not to talk [[teachers & bossy softball girls]]

I hate people telling me to pay attention or not laugh.

people who try to hard

people who like to tell me how life aught to be

people who steal my exboyfriends : ( [[not brittney&jay]]

people who think their style is key. & they know bost.
no you dont

school

going there

being there

not having a hand holder.
but not wanting one at the same time.

listening to my mom nag @ my brother.


watching her ignore him day to day.


girls stuck on boys.


"im over it"
face it: youre not

dont front.

bc then when youre real nobody beleives.


people who have some sort of grudge against girl jeans on boy legs.

get over it if you arent into it.

youre not the one who has to wear em.


[[more than likely some unintelligent(sp? bc im tired) person will have something to say along the lines of "well i have to look at em dont I?" umm no fool turn away.]]


people who think theyre better than me bc really.. u cant be.

my mind is beautiful.

the way it works.


have fun with that whoa statement.

intimidation is a killer

i hate miles between people

i hate long distance relationships

and green tea thats not sobe brand.

i hate youyouyou if you're not up to date.

if you leave me hangin

if you ditch me.

if you dig me.

if you dont talk back.

if youre not diversity.

if youre on myspace all the time.

if you have issues

and constantly profess them to the public.

if you think you're

stronger

smarter

or worth more.


[[cant happen]]


all in all


i hate everything about everything not having to do with me or my good times.



conceited?

i think not.

I pretty much need to know how to fix this thing so it isnt so dull.


&&&hey kidz

dont be ignorant and simple minded @ me because I added you and you don't know who I am.

Im just looking to broaden my horizons, meet new people.


get it?

livejournal is unlike myspace in the fact that really.... how many friends I have doesnt make a difference because who even gets on here anyways.

so uhh understand that im interested in meeting new people and trying new things.

dont close a friendship door ladies&gents.

bc wtf could it hurt?

psh & anyways don't add me to myspace unless we grow as *people who talk to people*

kpz

is livejournals problem?

im trying to add new people

and thus it has a stink about it.


& yeah thanks trev... i know "shit happens"

but fuck.

step over your issues livejournal.

I need to get this done did and dealt with.

kthx

I’m Amanda&somebody once said something that wasn’t okay. “Unbeing dead is as if you’re alive.” They couldn’t possibly have been more dead to me at that very moment. Life is what you make of it in small doses. Life to me is midnight internet conversations, home made grandma food, movies&popcorn, a warm day, a good laugh, a nice swim, a jump, a run, a picture, a phone call, a day in the mall or on the road, music, screams, tears, chokes, smiles, struggle, dreams, heartache, family and friends. @ almost 18 years of age I take things not-so-seriously. Elohel and ohemgee. BestGirlFriendzFor</b>Ever&Life, Samantha, Brinanna & Ashley. (That Nathan kid aint so shabby neither) I don’t talk things out, drama died in my neck of the woods freshman year. Got an issue? Confront me with a phist. </strike>drugs</strike> Live with you’re friends, ride with your friends, die with your friends. Racism isn’t my cup of tea&If you drink from that fountain neither are you. I’ve got the smarts to put you down. Mean people finish first. Every guy ever is just the next guy in line. I don’t fall hard and I don’t fall fast. I could honestly care less if you like me or not. It’s all *shrugs&smiles* as of right now. I’m headed away from 928 for the 42nd time. This time, I’m not alone. ♥Samantha You’re ignorance makes me a better person. You’re face makes mine look good. Did I mention I was crazy beautiful? Pretty much I get more ass than a toilet seat. &+My favorite word is nigger so when I see you on the street and recite my poetry don’t take offense, nigger. Ps: nigger does not mean black person. Illiteracy will kill us all. Cities I’m a freak show with a makeup kit. An artist on a shopping spree.